Basket case – with a heart beneath it all

29 Oct

Image

Hi! Apparently I’m the most efficient during night time so I wanted to put up a post for you – discussing looks, mostly my hair, style and boobs this time. This topic came to mind recently since I’ve been hitting bars lately. Like A LOT. Being single and having boobs and a certain sense of fashion is not always easy and I wanted to rant but also make you think about it from my perspective. Now I must say that YOU GUYS OUT THERE, listen up cause I’m sick of you judging me for various reasons.

This started out as mild amusement towards men who have a tendency to look at me from head to toe each time I walked through a bar door. Staring with eyes like massive plates I used to just laugh it all off, think how funny your gazes were and go on with my life. Girls looking at me were even funnier. Eat your heart out, I used to think. Then I started to miss male company, I started to miss being in a relationship.

I must confess, I’m not much of a single girl at heart. I don’t know how to hit on guys, I am actually quite shy when it comes to men I really like and am interested in. On the contrary that is not how I look; I actually seem like an arrogant bitch to some people, or so it seems. Last time I went to a bar with studded red suede heels with a massive pink bun on my head. I was a show stopper, big time. I live in a city where anyone looking like that gets basically stoned for being such a cocky-ass bitch. However, I love everything bold and colourful. Everything that looks like me. This is where we get to the root of my problem.

I love to look how I look but to other people I seem to be a red flag, waiting to be teared up by a herd of bulls. It scares people off, it makes me seem arrogant, it makes me less approachable. Add a pair of G cups and it makes me a damn slut. To some. I hate noticing after a wild dancing session everyone staring at me and whispering. You say I asked for it, I say I just wanted to dance. I go talking to a strange man, I’m almost begging for dirty looks from fellow women. And again, I was just trying to get to know someone.

Getting to know a new guy is a whole other story. I love men, but then again I hate you so dearly for being dicks about my appearance. “Omg, how can wear that?” is probably one of the worst things to say to a girl and believe me, I hear it a lot. I mean, does it make me a bad person if I wear something you wouldn’t? Does my outfit define me as a person? Hell no. Cause today I dress like this, tomorrow like something completely different. I am a gangsta, then a pin-up, another day a sports chick. What does that say about me? That I’m versatile, I feel differently about myself and the world each day and dress for that mood. The only thing that my outfit of the night tells you, is how I felt when I left my house. Try to read me like a book, it will be a failure. Promise. 

I recently saw this super funny video made by hilarious Jenna Marbles about what a girl’s hair means. It was right to the point; now you can judge girls even faster cause hey, their hairstyle says everything you need to know (NOT). Like I will suck your dick cause I have pink hair! Seriously, it’s funny now but think about it for one more minute and you’ll start to see how scary it is how people make crazy assumptions on your character just by looking at your hair, makeup or eg boobs. I mean WHY?  You guys who stare at me like some cheap piece of pork meat, did you know that I too have feelings, I can be a wonderful girlfriend and the most giving loving person on the earth? No, you didn’t. And meanwhile I could have been someone’s dream future wife, you would never know cause I had that damn pink hair. Which obviously told you I’m not girlfriend material.

I am so sick of this small town that wants to drown me in all its grayness and suffocate me with it’s prejudiced little people who apparently know all about me. I want to get to know people, I want to enjoy and hell I want to enjoy my clothes and cleavage when I feel like it without constant judgement passed upon me. I will never please everyone but at least hate me for who I am, not for what I look like.

PS. In the pic above are me and my little sister Ems. Stylish est 1992 and rocking the look.

6 Responses to “Basket case – with a heart beneath it all”

  1. ArgieBargie October 30, 2013 at 12:58 am #

    Can I start the firestorm?

    Your comments range from heart of gold to raging anger. Perhaps that all projects in what you wear. People do perceive us by what we wear and how we carry ourselves. I don’t know you other than through your blog, but I am sensing someone who projects a screw-you attitude.

    Can you be colorful and fun without seeming to wear different costumes? You mention all those personas, and if I wanted to get to know you, I wouldn’t know which persona to approach.

    • sophie October 30, 2013 at 3:43 am #

      Sure, help yourself! 😉

      That is a very interesting point of view that I never thought of. Thank you for it! It is kind of sad that you seem to see me exactly the way a lot of people do, wearing costumes or someone with a screw you attitude. Which to me is impossible to understand! I am always very polite and friendly when approached, I smile a lot and am a good listener. But this is not what many people see unless they come and talk to me. I mean how can you even see that I’m smiling if you’re looking at my hair?

      When it comes to my outfits it’s really just a tip of a very large iceberg. I mean why approach a “persona” based on her clothing when what you’re approaching really is only one tiny part of her character? What’s underneath the outfit is so much more interesting! I would just love to be approached just as me, not the way I look cause it’s not my persona. It’s just the clothes I fancied that night.

      • ArgieBargie October 30, 2013 at 5:00 pm #

        I understand your perspective completely. While you see my perspective as sad, I see it as human nature. Have you ever had a conversation with someone who had spinach stuck in her teeth? And you were not distraced at all by that…right? At all?

        And lots of verrrry strange people smile at me when they are not being friendly. (!)

        But re-read your initial post as though you didn’t know you, and you might sense hostility.

  2. amymeemee November 1, 2013 at 11:57 am #

    I don’t sense any hostility here, I know how you feel to some extent but I live in a big city, so I don’t feel this to the same extent that you do. I don’t see it as different personas, I see it as shades of your personality, everyone has them but some explore them differently. Just because you choose to express your personality through your clothes doesn’t mean you are less worthy than someone who chooses to express themselves any other way.

    All I can say, really, is carry on being yourself, if you let other people’s judgement change you, you will regret it someday (I’m sure you won’t, anyway).

    P.S. Is there a picture of these studded red pumps and pink bun? Sounds gorgeous.

    • sophie November 3, 2013 at 7:25 pm #

      I should probably take a pic someday when I’m going out and post it 😀 I promise I will just like I promise never to change. I’m glad that you understood my views Amy, it means a lot to me.

  3. Jennifer Vance April 2, 2014 at 5:58 pm #

    Thanks for this post,I can relate all too well.
    I come from a very small town and half of it is religious and believes in modesty so you can imagine! The dating scene is also crazy….sad.Not yet 21 so I can’t go to bars and I don’t want to date a church guy,sort of want someone in between.lol.Signed up for Okcupid but that has it’s own problems..using some of my filters I found *one* man within 100 miles of me..that’s how small my town is.Eeeek.
    The thing about relationships is you don’t want to change who you are or appear to be someone you aren’t,if they can’t handle one night with you how are they going to handle one month or a year?You deserve someone who loves how creative you are.
    I’m not much of a single girl either,I’m extremely affectionate and being single all the time really wears on me.And people will say oh,you’re young,it doesn’t matter.Weird thing is if people want to be single they critize that too. *sigh*
    Recently my style has been getting more outgoing after dressing fairly modestly growing up,I want to wear a light peach dress with a lime green bra and not care if it shows through.I even had the crazy idea to wear the Curvy Kate Carmen with a high waisted body con skirt…I’m plus size,so that only adds to it being more controversial.

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